Do you have doubts about God? Because I do. I’m full of doubt. And I don’t like sitting among a bunch of happy, doubt-free people, pretending I feel the same. That’s not faith; that’s called “make believe.”
I think the only way to have utterly unwavering “faith” is to ignore information we don’t like, to make up “facts” that aren’t really facts at all (like dinosaurs walking around with humans), and to stick our fingers in our ears, saying “LALALA! NOT LISTENING!”
As for true faith, I’m not alone. You probably know about Thomas, the apostle who declared that he would not believe that the Lord was resurrected unless he could see and touch Jesus himself (John 20:25-28). He wasn’t the only doubter. In fact, they all gave up hope when Jesus was crucified and went back to their jobs. (So much for the eleven most faithful followers of Jesus!)
I won’t call my faith-filled friends hypocrites. They’re doing they think they have to do. We all pretend to be more confident than we are. But as a Christian, I think the better thing to do is to put down our masks and admit our imperfections so we can help one another.
And most importantly, still, in the deepest part of my heart, I believe. I cling to hope in God. I keep reading my Bible. I keep praying. That’s what faith is to me. Not a show of bravery, and not ignoring or maligning facts that make me uncomfortable. It’s confidence in what I hope for. Assurance in what I don’t see.
I really think that’s okay with God. If He wants more than that, He’ll have to tell me himself.